Sex therapy for couples offers room to talk honestly about desire, pleasure, affection, and the differences between you. I offer in-person counseling in Santa Barbara and online sessions throughout California, with attention to consent, communication, and each partner’s pace.
When intimacy becomes a difficult conversation
You may care deeply about one another and still feel distant. Initiating sex might bring fear of rejection; declining it might bring guilt. Over time, those moments can become a familiar pattern of pressure, hurt, or withdrawal.
We can slow that pattern down and explore what each of you is experiencing. The aim is to make space for honest choices, mutual understanding, and forms of closeness that feel welcome to both of you.
Understanding desire differences
Partners do not always want sex at the same time or in the same way. We can explore how stress, parenting, resentment, body image, health changes, and the quality of your connection affect desire.
Rather than choosing whose level of desire is correct, we’ll look at what helps each person feel open, safe, and connected. Consent remains central: neither partner owes the other sexual contact.
Talking about pleasure, needs, and boundaries
It can be difficult to say what you enjoy, what you miss, or what you want to change. Therapy offers a place to practice these conversations with less defensiveness and more curiosity.
Expressing preferences without criticism or pressure.
Listening to a boundary without treating it as a rejection of the relationship.
Making room for affection, playfulness, and intimacy beyond intercourse.
Discussing changing desires and relationship agreements.
Rebuilding trust and shared intimacy
Distance, conflict, or betrayal can change how closeness feels. We can attend to the hurt, clarify what repair requires, and explore whether and how you want to reconnect. You do not need to rush forgiveness or sexual contact to demonstrate progress.
How I work with partners
My approach is humanistic and person-centered. Emotionally Focused Therapy informs our attention to attachment, vulnerability, and the cycle between you. Drawing on the Gottman Method, we can practice listening, expressing needs, and returning to difficult conversations with greater care.
A trauma-informed approach keeps choice and pacing central. We may also use grounding and attention to bodily sensations when that feels helpful. We’ll keep discussing what is useful and adjust the work together.
Care that respects your relationship
I welcome LGBTQIA+ couples, consensually nonmonogamous relationships, and kink and BDSM communities. We can explore your relationship without prescribing what intimacy should look like.
If identity, sexual shame, or experiences of stigma are central to what you want to explore, read more about LGBTQIA+-affirming sex therapy. Individual sessions are also an option.
A place to begin
You don’t need a shared explanation of the problem before reaching out. We can begin with what feels difficult, what each of you values, and what you hope might change.
Jamie Fortin, LMFT · California LMFT #136703. In-person therapy in Santa Barbara and telehealth throughout California.
More about couples therapy · What to expect, rates, and payment · Contact Jamie