Couples Therapy in Santa Barbara
Rebuilding Connection, Intimacy, and Trust
Every relationship has seasons — moments of closeness and moments of distance, times of joy and times of disconnection. Couples therapy offers a supportive, structured space to slow down, listen deeply, and rediscover each other.
Whether you’re struggling with communication, recovering from betrayal, navigating life transitions, or simply longing to feel closer again, therapy can help you rebuild the emotional and physical intimacy that sustains a healthy partnership.
In my work, I draw from The Gottman Method and Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) — two of the most research-backed approaches to helping couples heal and grow.
Why Couples Therapy?
Couples therapy (relationship counseling) provides a safe environment for partners to explore patterns of communication, understand emotional needs, and resolve recurring conflicts.
The goal isn’t to assign blame — it’s to build understanding, connection, and emotional safety so both partners can thrive.
Together, we’ll explore:
How you communicate and repair after conflict
How emotions are expressed and received
How intimacy, affection, and sex are experienced
How stress, family history, or trauma influence the relationship
What helps you feel secure, loved, and understood
No matter your relationship stage or structure — dating, long-term, married, LGBTQIA+, or polyamorous — we can create a path forward that feels authentic, respectful, and loving.
My Approach: Combining Integrative therapy with the Gottman Method and EFT for couples
I integrate two evidence-based models that complement one another beautifully:
The Gottman Method: Building Trust and Communication
Developed by Drs. John and Julie Gottman, this method is grounded in over 40 years of research. It focuses on practical tools for strengthening your relationship’s foundation through:
Improved communication and listening skills
Conflict management and repair strategies
Building friendship, appreciation, and shared meaning
Rebuilding trust after disconnection or betrayal
In Gottman-informed sessions, we’ll identify the “Four Horsemen” of relationship breakdown (criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling) and practice healthier patterns of connection.
You’ll learn how to express needs clearly, manage conflict effectively, and nurture the emotional bond that supports lasting intimacy.
Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT): Strengthening Emotional Bonds
Emotionally Focused Therapy, developed by Dr. Sue Johnson, focuses on attachment and emotional safety — helping couples understand and transform the deeper patterns that fuel conflict or distance.
Where Gottman provides structure and skills, EFT brings emotional depth and compassion.
Through EFT, partners learn to:
Identify and express vulnerable emotions
Understand each other’s attachment needs
Heal cycles of disconnection and pursue reconnection
Create new patterns of responsiveness and trust
EFT helps couples move from blame and defensiveness toward openness, empathy, and emotional closeness — the foundation for true intimacy.
Working With Connection, Intimacy, Sex, and Romance
Emotional connection and physical intimacy are deeply intertwined. When communication breaks down or old hurts linger, passion and closeness often fade.
My work with couples includes supporting both emotional and sexual intimacy — not just addressing dysfunction, but creating space for deeper pleasure, play, and connection.
We might explore:
Reigniting desire and romance
Understanding differing sexual needs
Navigating mismatched libidos
Addressing shame or performance anxiety
Healing after infidelity or betrayal
Building communication around sex and affection
I provide an inclusive, sex-positive, kink-affirming space where all forms of consensual expression are respected. My goal is to help partners feel safe, curious, and connected — emotionally and physically.
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Common Reasons Couples Seek Therapy
Couples therapy can be beneficial at any stage — whether you’re in crisis or simply wanting to strengthen your bond.
Common reasons couples seek support include:
Recurring conflict or poor communication
Emotional distance or disconnection
Sexual or physical intimacy challenges
Trust issues or infidelity
Parenting or blended family stress
Major life transitions (new baby, move, illness, loss)
Feeling like “roommates” rather than partners
Preparing for marriage or considering separation
No matter what brings you in, therapy provides structure and hope.
What to Expect in Sessions
Each session is designed to help you both feel heard, respected, and supported.
We’ll start by identifying the challenges and your goals for therapy.
I’ll help you understand your relationship’s underlying patterns — what drives conflict and what strengthens connection.
Using tools from Gottman and EFT, we’ll practice new ways to communicate, repair, and reconnect.
As trust builds, we may explore deeper issues such as vulnerability, shame, or intimacy.
Between sessions, I may offer reflection exercises or communication practices to help you apply new skills in daily life.
How Couples Therapy Can Help
With time and commitment, couples often experience:
Clearer, calmer communication
Greater understanding and empathy
Rebuilt trust and connection
Increased emotional and physical intimacy
More satisfying conflict resolution
Renewed appreciation, joy, and partnership
Therapy doesn’t erase challenges — it helps you face them together, with honesty, tenderness, and courage.
Inclusive, Affirming Care
Love comes in many forms, and I honor them all. My practice is inclusive of:
LGBTQIA+ couples
Nontraditional and open relationships
Kink and BDSM communities
Interfaith and intercultural partnerships