Polyamorous and Non-Monogamous Relationship Therapy

Polyamorous and Non-Monogamous Relationship Therapy in Santa Barbara

Affirming, Curious, and Compassionate Support for Love in All Its Forms

Love can take many shapes — and so can healthy, committed relationships. Whether you identify as polyamorous, open, relationship-anarchist, or ethically non-monogamous, you deserve therapy that honors your values, relationship structure, and capacity for authentic connection.

In my Santa Barbara practice, I offer affirming therapy for individuals, couples, and polycules exploring or maintaining non-monogamous relationships. Together, we’ll work to build communication, boundaries, intimacy, and trust — without judgment, shame, or the assumption that monogamy is the only “healthy” way to love.

This is a space where curiosity replaces stigma, and where your relationship structure is respected as part of your truth.

What Is Polyamory- and ENM-Affirming Therapy?

Polyamory-affirming therapy means that your therapist understands and respects that healthy, consensual non-monogamy can be just as emotionally rich, ethical, and stable as any other relationship structure.

Affirming therapy does not aim to “fix” non-monogamy or steer you toward monogamy. Instead, it supports you and your partners in clarifying agreements, navigating emotions, and strengthening the foundations of connection that help your relationships thrive.

In therapy, we might explore:

• Defining and communicating boundaries and agreements

• Managing jealousy, insecurity, and fear of loss

• Balancing autonomy and togetherness across relationships

• Addressing time, energy, and scheduling challenges

• Navigating compersion and empathy

• Healing from past experiences of betrayal or broken trust

• Cultivating emotional safety and transparency

Whether you’re new to polyamory, curious about opening a relationship, or experienced in non-monogamy but facing a new challenge, therapy can offer the guidance, grounding, and structure that helps you thrive.

My Approach

I draw from Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) and The Gottman Method, adapted for diverse relationship constellations, along with humanistic and trauma-informed principles.

Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)

EFT helps partners identify the deeper needs and fears beneath conflict or disconnection. In non-monogamous systems, these attachment needs can be complex — you may have multiple attachment figures, varying emotional styles, or differing comfort levels with openness.

In therapy, we explore these dynamics with care, helping each partner understand their emotional landscape and communicate it clearly. We work toward connection, not control — creating secure emotional bonds across relationships while honoring individuality and choice.

The Gottman Method

The Gottman approach offers evidence-based tools to enhance communication, build friendship, and resolve conflict. I help polyamorous and ENM clients apply these principles to multi-partner systems, focusing on:

• Constructive conflict resolution

• Appreciation and affection across relationships

• Developing rituals of connection

• Maintaining trust and accountability

• Repairing ruptures with honesty and empathy

The Gottman Method’s structure complements the emotional depth of EFT, helping you create clarity and stability even in complex relationship systems.

Trauma-Informed and Shame-Free

Many non-monogamous individuals have faced stigma, misunderstanding, or judgment from previous therapists, family members, or communities. Therapy here is different.

A trauma-informed, sex-positive, and identity-affirming lens ensures that your story is met with respect and curiosity, not bias. Together, we’ll work to dismantle internalized shame, address old wounds that might affect current dynamics, and cultivate greater self-acceptance.

If trauma or anxiety influences how you attach, communicate, or handle conflict, we’ll build tools for grounding, regulation, and emotional safety — for yourself and your partners.

Exploring Jealousy, Trust, and Emotional Safety

Jealousy and insecurity are human emotions, not evidence that something is wrong with your relationship.

In therapy, we explore what jealousy may be communicating — often, it points to needs for reassurance, safety, or acknowledgment.

We’ll work on:

• Naming underlying emotions rather than suppressing them

• Using vulnerability to deepen connection

• Building emotional resilience and self-soothing tools

• Developing shared language for trust and reassurance

Therapy becomes a space to turn conflict into clarity, and tension into connection.

Supporting Sexual and Intimate Wellness

Sexual connection is often central to non-monogamous relationships — and sometimes, so are the challenges that come with it.

I offer a sex-positive, body-affirming, and LGBTQ-inclusive space to explore intimacy, desire, and pleasure. This may include:

• Navigating mismatched libidos or preferences

• Exploring kink and erotic authenticity

• Healing from sexual shame or trauma

• Communicating boundaries and consent clearly

• Reconnecting with playfulness, creativity, and sensuality

We approach sexuality as a source of vitality and communication — never something to fear or judge.

Navigating Complex Relationship Systems

Polyamorous and non-monogamous constellations can include multiple partnerships, metamours, and intersecting emotional needs. These systems are dynamic, and therapy offers a grounding point — a place to check in, recalibrate, and realign your agreements.

Depending on your goals, we might focus on:

• Conflict mediation among partners or metamours

• Family or parenting challenges in poly systems

• Time management and emotional bandwidth

• Transitions — such as adding or closing relationships

• Cultivating community and mutual support

Each constellation is unique; therapy adapts to your structure and your values.

Integrating Identity, Culture, and Values

Your approach to non-monogamy may be shaped by cultural background, spirituality, or personal ethics. We explore how these intersect — creating a relationship style that feels authentic, intentional, and sustainable for you.

Some clients integrate mindfulness, spirituality, or ritual as part of their relational practice; others focus on emotional awareness and communication. Therapy honors all these paths, helping you align your relationships with your core sense of meaning.

My Role as Your Therapist

As a licensed marriage and family therapist in Santa Barbara, my role is not to judge or prescribe, but to facilitate clarity, compassion, and growth. My therapy dog, Sophie, sometimes joins sessions to offer warmth and grounding presence.

I hold space for each individual and the relationship system as a whole — balancing honesty with empathy, and structure with flexibility. Together, we create a therapeutic relationship where all voices are heard and all relationships are respected.

When to Reach Out

Therapy can support you if you are:

• Opening a previously monogamous relationship

• Healing from jealousy, insecurity, or communication breakdowns

• Building stronger agreements or repairing broken trust

• Balancing multiple commitments or time demands

• Exploring identity, gender, or orientation alongside relationship changes

• Seeking a therapist who understands and respects polyamory and ENM

You don’t need to be in crisis to begin — many clients come simply to strengthen what’s already working.

Ready to Begin?

If you’re looking for polyamory-affirming therapy in Santa Barbara, I would be honored to support you. Together, we’ll create a space that celebrates your truth, honors your connections, and helps your relationships grow with integrity and joy.

Reach out today to begin your journey toward more authentic, connected, and empowered love.