Kink-Affirming Therapy
🖤 Kink-Affirming Therapy in Santa Barbara
Safe, Nonjudgmental Support for Authentic Expression
Kink and BDSM are expressions of trust, communication, creativity, and power exchange — not pathology. For many, these practices are ways to explore intimacy, embodiment, and empowerment.
Unfortunately, many people have encountered therapists who misunderstand kink or view it through a moral or diagnostic lens. In my practice, you’ll find something different: a kink-affirming, trauma-informed, and sex-positive space that honors your autonomy and respects the diversity of human desire.
I offer kink-aware therapy in Santa Barbara for individuals, couples, and polycules exploring erotic authenticity, power dynamics, consent, and connection.
What Is Kink-Affirming Therapy?
Kink-affirming therapy is not about analyzing or “fixing” your sexual preferences. It’s about understanding how your desires, values, and relationships intersect — emotionally, psychologically, and relationally.
In therapy, we explore kink as a meaningful part of identity and self-expression. This might include:
Processing experiences of shame, stigma, or misunderstanding
Exploring consent, negotiation, and power dynamics
Deepening emotional safety within BDSM relationships
Addressing attachment and vulnerability in D/s contexts
Integrating kink into long-term relationships or partnerships
Healing from past boundary violations or trauma
Exploring identity, fantasy, and authenticity
A kink-affirming approach respects that BDSM and power exchange can be healthy, consensual, and deeply connective. Therapy supports you in engaging with kink safely, intentionally, and in alignment with your emotional well-being.
My Approach
My therapeutic work is grounded in Humanistic and Person-Centered Therapy, Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), and Somatic and Trauma-Informed principles — all applied through a sex-positive lens.
Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)
EFT helps clients and partners understand the attachment needs that underlie desire, trust, and vulnerability. In kink dynamics, emotional intimacy often deepens through negotiated power exchange — a kind of intimacy that relies on communication, empathy, and safety.
We use EFT to identify emotional needs, strengthen trust, and build secure bonds within your chosen dynamics.
Somatic Awareness
Kink and BDSM often involve heightened bodily awareness — sensations, limits, and surrender. Somatic therapy supports you in staying grounded, attuned, and regulated while exploring these experiences.
Together, we develop mindfulness-based tools for nervous system regulation, aftercare, and embodiment.
Trauma-Informed Perspective
Some clients come to therapy with trauma histories that intersect with their kink experiences. Others want to explore kink but worry that past trauma may resurface.
A trauma-informed approach ensures consent, pacing, and emotional safety. We move slowly and respectfully, always honoring your boundaries and readiness.
Kink and trauma are not the same — but therapy can help you discern what feels empowering versus what feels re-enacting or unsafe.
Why Kink-Affirming Therapy Matters
Many people have faced shame or dismissal when discussing their sexual interests — sometimes even in therapy.
Being misunderstood or pathologized can create deep mistrust and reinforce internalized stigma.
Kink-affirming therapy provides a space where you can:
Speak openly about your desires without fear of judgment
Understand the emotional and relational meaning of your kink identity
Develop communication and negotiation skills for consent and boundaries
Address any shame, secrecy, or fear that limits self-expression
Explore power dynamics with safety, integrity, and mutual respect
This is a space where curiosity replaces shame — where desire is understood as an aspect of humanity, not deviance.
Working with Couples, Partners, and Polycules
Kink can enrich connection and trust within relationships — but it can also bring up challenges around vulnerability, jealousy, or differing interests.
Therapy supports couples and partners in:
Negotiating boundaries and consent
Discussing fantasies and limits openly
Addressing mismatched desires or interests
Building rituals of communication and aftercare
Integrating kink into established relationships
Repairing trust after ruptures or misunderstandings
Using frameworks from The Gottman Method and Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy, I help partners create emotional safety and deepen connection through authentic, open dialogue.
Healing from Shame and Stigma
Kink-related shame often begins early — shaped by cultural messages, religious conditioning, or past relationships. Over time, this shame can disconnect you from your own desires or make it difficult to express yourself authentically.
In therapy, we work gently to unpack these messages. Through compassion, mindfulness, and somatic grounding, we help you move from judgment to self-acceptance.
You can learn to hold your desires with curiosity and care — reclaiming pleasure, choice, and empowerment.
Power, Consent, and Emotional Safety
Kink often involves intentionally exploring power dynamics. Therapy provides a reflective space to explore how power, trust, and emotional intimacy intersect.
We can discuss:
What “power” means for you emotionally and relationally
How to communicate and negotiate scenes or dynamics
What aftercare looks like for you and your partners
How to identify and maintain emotional safety
How to respond when boundaries are crossed or unclear
This work helps you understand the deeper emotional and attachment layers beneath erotic play — cultivating connection rooted in trust and integrity.
For Individuals Exploring Kink
You may be newly curious about kink, or you may have long identified with kink communities. Therapy offers support at any stage of exploration.
Together, we might work on:
Understanding your desires and emotional needs
Exploring identity and self-acceptance
Learning communication and negotiation tools
Integrating kink safely into your relationships or self-expression
Healing from past judgment or negative experiences
This is your space to explore with openness, safety, and respect.
A Collaborative, Compassionate Approach
As a kink-affirming therapist in Santa Barbara, my goal is not to define what your sexuality “should” look like — but to help you live and love authentically.
Therapy becomes a partnership grounded in curiosity, empowerment, and consent.
You deserve a therapeutic relationship where every part of you is welcome — where you can bring your truth fully into the room.
Ready to Begin?
If you’re seeking kink-affirming therapy in Santa Barbara, I would be honored to work with you. Together, we’ll create a space for exploration, healing, and authentic expression — one where curiosity is celebrated, and shame has no place.
Reach out today to schedule a consultation and take the next step toward self-acceptance and deeper connection.